Assume: Makes an Ass
by Kaet Huntacwene
Summary: Sequel to LiGi's "Wrong Assumptions". John and Gordon go shopping…


_A/N - This is a sequel to LiGi's "Wrong Assumptions" set a few weeks afterwards._

_She very kindly let me write a sequel to the idea that she stole from me in the first place: it was literally a case of "Hey, that would be funny" and before I knew it she was asking me to beta the story! She does steal very well though and I do recommend her story._

_This is beta'd by LiGi and to be fair, without her the idea would never have come up in the first place – oh the joys of being sisters who don't look alike!_

* * *

**Assume - Makes an Ass...**

"Alright Armless?" Gordon asked again as John struggled with the seatbelt. He almost growled at his overly cheerful brother.

"Fine," he answered shortly, managing to clip it in despite the obstruction of his bulky cast.

"Typical isn't it, the only one of us to ever break their left arm and it would be old lefty," Gordon continued, putting the car into drive and stepping a bit too enthusiastically on the gas.

"I am aware of the irony," John said shortly. It was really getting on his nerves now he hadn't realised how left sided he was until he'd had the stupid cast on. Alan had broken his right arm once, but the kid was nearly ambidextrous and so had absolutely no trouble, something he'd taken to smirking about when John attempted to manage his fork with his other hand.

"A good old drive to the shops, don't you just love this sort of thing," Gordon grinned as he overtook someone with a casual swerve into the middle of the road.

"I wish I was driving," John muttered.

"Sorry didn't hear that, oh lopsided one."

"Shut up, my arm's still there and if you're not careful I'll hit you with it."

"Nah, you wouldn't want an unconscious driver if you clobbered me with that lump of plaster and everyone knows your coordination is too bad on the other side."

John rolled his eyes and squirmed a bit in the chair trying to get comfortable.

He was in a bad mood, he knew he was in a bad mood. Everything was more awkward and he couldn't do anything he liked, he didn't dare go near his telescope in case he knocked it with the cast and damaged it in some way and he couldn't take notes anyway.

Gordon swerved again, stamping on the gas to accelerate past a truck just in time to nip back in before meeting the oncoming tractor.

"Holy crap, Gordon!"

"Yeah, what?" his brother seemed unconcerned by their near death experience.

"Did you really need to overtake like that?"

"The truck was in the way."

John just shook his head at that matter of fact comment. Sometimes he was surprised that his brother hadn't been fired by WASP long before the hydrofoil incident for drag racing submarines or something. He was as bad as Alan at times.

"I know what will calm you down," Gordon suggested. "Some nice music." And before John could protest that what Gordon thought was nice music would destroy his sanity, the Beach Boys were on full blast.

By the time they reached the mall Gordon had sung along to every song on the album and John was starting to revise his criticism of Virgil as being the worst person to share a car with, though how his artistic brother managed to play Mozart with all the aggression of any punk bass thumper was a trick John still hadn't worked out.

"Fun, fun, fun, now that daddy took her T-bird away!" Gordon finished, loudly.

"How are you so annoying?" John asked exasperated.

"It's a natural talent," Gordon told him with a look of mock solemnity. "And it is an appropriate song don't you think? Daddy did take your T-bird away."

"Father did not and the song is about a girl."

"Yup." Gordon grinned.

"Shut up, Gordon."

"Come on then," Gordon locked his car. "Be back soon baby," he said, stroking the bright yellow Zonda's bonnet.

"You are weird," John said.

"Don't listen to him, baby," Gordon crooned to the car. "He's just jealous."

John shook his head and marched off towards the mall doors.

Gordon caught up embarrassingly quickly. With his long legs, John could walk quite fast, but his shortest brother could somehow walk faster without outwardly seeming to put any effort into it.

John decided to ignore him, he'd dealt with a whole hour of Gordon's singing, he deserved some silence. The first shop John spotted when they entered was a large pharmacy chain which would surely have some kind of headache tablets.

"I could call you baby, if you like," Gordon suggested, just a tiny bit too loud.

"Why?" John muttered, searching through the packets available.

"You seemed jealous earlier," Gordon joked.

"No."

"Can I help?" one of the staff came up to them. A girl about Tin-Tin's age, chewing gum.

"Well, I…"

"Don't worry about him," Gordon grinned at her, "He's just put out that I called the car baby and ignored him."

"My boyfriend does that all the time too," she said semi-sympathetically to John.

"No, he's not my…" John started, remembering the hospital last month and Scott's reaction.

"Don't be shy, babe," Gordon swung his arm round John's shoulders, "She doesn't mind. Do you?"

John stared at his younger brother who was grinning. He should have known Gordon's reaction would be completely different to Scott's.

"No, it's cool," the girl reassured him.

"Great," John said weakly.

"Super," Gordon still had that huge grin plastered across his face. "My _boyfriend_ here," he emphasised the word, "has a headache, probably due to my music in the car, a bit too loud really, but show tunes, you just can't hate them. What would you recommend?"

John just stood there helplessly, Gordon's muscular arm still pinning him to his brother's side. The girl rattled off a list of the different drugs they did and recommended some.

Gordon grabbed a packet and grinned widely. "Thank you so much darling, now could you direct us to the… intimate section."

John went bright red and when the girl realised what Gordon meant she did too, under her foundation. They followed where she pointed, Gordon almost frogmarching John at his side. When they were out of earshot Gordon let go of him and grinned widely.

"That was so much fun!"

John just shook his head and groaned. "We need to actually get all the rest of the shopping," he pointed out.

Gordon sighed, "Okay." They paid for the painkillers along with some other odds and ends Tin-Tin had asked for. He said nothing more at all, walking calmly beside John, until they entered the next shop.

"Oh, darling…" Gordon started and John shut his eyes, it was going to be a long trip.

* * *

"You won't believe what happened when we were at the mall!" Gordon said dumping the last bag on the counter.

"Oh yeah?"

"Scott doesn't want to know," John said quickly.

"Yes he does," Scott told him.

"Talking in third person again?" Virgil entered the room.

"Shut up. What happened?"

"Well…" Gordon started in his storytelling voice.

"It's really not very interesting," John protested weakly, hoping Gordon wasn't going to retell their entire afternoon, his performances had gotten more and more camp with each shop they entered, despite John explaining the difference between gay and camp.

"Shh, Armless. We went into the pharmacy and there was this girl…"

"Hot?" Scott asked.

"Jeez, anyone would think you were Alan," Virgil complained.

"Sorta, but too young for you dude. Anyway," Gordon continued. "John was looking for some painkillers and she came over to help and thought that we were together."

John looked at their reactions. Virgil was still waiting for the punchline and Scott's eyes widened.

"She didn't!"

"Well, they were together?" Virgil was missing the entire point and Gordon guffawed.

John stepped in to explain. "She thought we were _together_, as in a couple, together." He said in a monotone.

"Oh," Virgil went a bit pink.

"And Gordon played up to it completely," he complained.

"It was like pranking the whole mall!" Gordon grinned.

"Do you have some kind of aura?" Scott said to John exasperatedly. "Remember that nurse... June?"

"Julie," John corrected.

"Wait, what nurse?" Gordon asked curiously.

Scott froze, obviously realising what he'd just said. "No nurse," he said hastily.

"Someone thought the two of you were a couple!" Virgil's face was split into a huge grin. "That is priceless!"

Gordon started sniggering at the look on Scott's face, as did Virgil. John smiled too, his oldest brother did look quite funny.

"Hey what have I missed?" Alan was standing in the doorway frowning at them all.

"Where do I start?" Gordon exclaimed gleefully.


End file.
